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Focus on what you can control.

It’s official! I am back to my lowest weight so far on this journey – 202.4 pounds. I weighed that on Dec. 18 and then the holidays (and some female unmentionables) happened and I had to mentally and physically break through some barriers again. Let me tell you, this had been one of the bumpiest rides of my life.

First, I completely changed my eating habits and added in more exercise, yet the scale gave me whip-lash from week to week. Then add in the craziness of 2020 – I was still learning my new job when COVID19 hit, causing a domino effect of closings and cancellations – you can understand how tumultuous my life has felt.

With so many things out of my control, I have learned to focus on the one part of my life that I can affect – my own health!

Tomorrow will be the 200th day of this journey. HOLY CRAP! I remember when I started and how time went by so slowly, yet suddenly, over 6 months have passed! I have gone from a size 22 to a size 14 (give or take depending on the brand, but I just fit into an old pair of size 14 dress pants this morning – which was fun!) I have lost 40 pounds but gained some muscle, so I’m not sure where I lie in body fat percentage. (Maybe I should go somewhere and get that figured out. I know I am lifting more weight than ever, too, so that must mean something.)

My life has changed in so many ways. I am still getting used to the idea of NOT looking for wide width shoes when I go shopping, or even just how weird my hands feel when I lace them together because my fingers must be smaller. I had to add more covers onto my bed because I started getting cold at night, rather than overheating from calorie overdose. But now that I have enough covers, I sleep like a rock for at least 7 hours and don’t even have to get up and pee in the night! The list of weird little positive side-effects goes on and on.

But don’t be fooled. My life has not suddenly become heaven. Yesterday and today were perfect examples. The scale showed me some amazing numbers in the morning but each day went downhill from there. Work, the weather, my exercise classes – all of my mundane chores – were . . . uninspiring. Usually I can snap out of my “funky” attitudes when I go to dance classes but not this week. Even while I walked each night, I was fighting the urge to snarl at people and couldn’t wait to be done.

On days like these, I used to come home after work, usually with fast food, so I could curl up in my Lazy-boy chair and stuff my face while I did absolutely nothing for the rest of the day. But thanks to the continued commitment to myself and my health, I am able to fight those urges and power through. Because at the end of the day, the only things I can control are the things I eat and the amount of movement I get. And I am ALL IN! My habits have changed and now I can do those things as easily as driving my car or doing a couple of loads of laundry. It’s my life now.

It doesn’t mean that I don’t get to grumble a little when I pass on a big bowl of ice cream or keep walking when I just want to sit at home. But when I get through each day, I get to celebrate those wins and it feels AMAZING. I still have my little frozen yogurt treat each night, but instead of binging for the rest of the night, I often take a nice hot bath and just soak for a few minutes while my muscles loosen and my skin tingles. Then I get some warm jammies on and write in my journal while I drink a Liquid IV lemon-lime slushy.

But the best ending to my day is sliding under the warm, heavy covers with an empty-stomach-feeling and no regrets because I know I made lots of good choices for the day. It really is a price-less feeling. I had no idea what I was missing for the last 20 (or so) years. All I can say is, now that I have “tasted” what life can serve up, I want to eat this way every day! (YES – PUN INTENDED!)

I am a little excited to see what the scale has to say tomorrow morning, since it has been so friendly all week, but then I plan to do a weight-lifting class after work and that always makes me weigh more for a few days, so I will probably not weigh myself on Friday.

In any case, my goal of getting into One-derland sooner than later is getting closer and closer. I have NO DOUBT that it will happen but I need to stop predicting the day and just let my body decide when it is ready. I will just keep doing my part and eat the right amount of calories and exercise whenever possible . . . because it’s making my wildest dreams come true!

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