My faith has been restored!
I know – I am so fickle. I go on and on about the benefits of weight loss outside of actual pounds lost but when it comes right down to it, I live and die by the scale. Who can blame me? What is the first thing the nurse measures before you see the doctor? How do they categorize wrestlers? What information do you need before you can buy the right size of panty-hose? How do they sell cattle? What limitations are on carnival rides?
All of those markers point to one variable: actual pounds measured with a scale. That number is driving my motivation since One-derland is getting SO close! If I had a tear for every time someone laughed at a joke because “she was over 200 pounds,” I would be a very broken woman – oh wait, I WAS in many ways. Hearing that number and knowing I was well over it, truly crushed me. I felt like a worthless human being. As a straight “A” student and people pleaser, it killed me that I could not control my eating, and therefore, my weight.
But now I see a bright light and I am mesmerized! I keep getting closer and closer, yet it still seems so far away. It’s hard to trust what will happen once I reach my destination, but I guess I will just have to figure that out once I get there. I have no idea how long that will take, since my rate of weight loss has slowed quite a bit, but maybe my body was only adjusting and I will see more numbers fall off by the end of this week. With a little luck and a LOT of effort, my weight will continue to drop.
For instance, I was not expecting to see a number BELOW 210 this morning. I drank a 32oz. bottle of water, mixed with Liquid IV, right before I went to bed last night and I didn’t have to get up and go potty at all! So I was sure that my weight would be up. The disappointment of seeing 212 for so long made me expect the worst every morning, just so I would be prepared. (Listen – I DESERVE to see weight loss because I have been following the rules and working so hard, but when I kept seeing the same number, I thought up was down and wrong was right.) There is nothing more frustrating than the amount of time your body needs to adjust for the next drop in weight. It is infuriating!
But the relief I felt, after seeing 209, made up for 90% of my angst. So what did I do? I headed straight for my walk-in closet and picked out the next smallest size of pants and put them on, of course! They fit just right too. We North Dakotans were spoiled with a warm 75 degree day in October so I wore summer shoes and a short sleeve summer top. My hair turned out cute too. I discovered that if I shower the night before, I just need to wet it down and then use a towel to scrunch it and the natural curls come right back. My hair is extremely thin but very versatile. I just need a hair dryer with accessories and I can sculpt it into many shapes – straight, wavy or extremely curly. It grows very slowly, but that might be the reason that I have very little grey hairs at 45 years of age! (Wow – am I bragging about one of my body parts? #don’tbethatgirl)
After I got dressed, I went downstairs and ate my NEW favorite, lessor-calorie, “egg and toast breakfast” with lightly creamed coffee. Since I adjusted to this new menu, my calorie totals went from around 400 to 300 for the first meal of the day. Then I packed some fruit and snacks for work, but only ate about half of them, since I was so busy with projects and phone calls.
I knew that I would not have time to take an exercise class today so instead, I snuck in a few walks where possible. My oldest daughter likes to get protein shakes with me so we decided to walk to the little shop, rather than drive. And later, I had about 20 minutes of time to kill before my youngest daughter had a volleyball game so I walked around the school, rather than playing on my phone. Like I said earlier, the weather was unseasonably nice out today so I was thrilled to be able to enjoy it as much as I did. Exercise has always come easy for me anyway. It doesn’t take much effort to get me on board. Give me some sunshine and fresh air and I will be there! Heck – the fresh air is really enough! All my stress just melts away.
For supper, I had a 6” chicken breast sandwich at Subway, with baked BBQ potato chips on the side. I ate it while my youngest daughter was at dance class, so I had plenty of time to enjoy it and play on my phone afterwards. (A girl’s got to have a little meaningless fun sometimes, right?)
I was out of calories but I really wanted my 100 calorie yogurt bar, so I splurged when I got home. I did not have as many exercise calories available today, so that limited my food calories, but my total calories for the day were almost 300 less than previous days so I know that I still did a great job of limiting my consumption.
I am slightly afraid of what that little demon of a scale will tell me tomorrow morning, but you know what? He cannot take anything away from today. It’s only a matter a time before I tame him. The training has been going pretty well, but I better see a number under 200 in the next month or so. Otherwise, there is a 3 story window right next to him and I am NOT opposed to throwing him out!