I can be high on adrenaline and in complete control at one moment and utterly annoyed and pissy the next. I can gain and lose 3-4 pounds in one day and it can go back and forth around the same numbers for weeks! It really messes with my mind and my motivation. I’m starting to wonder if I shouldn’t stop weighing myself every day, but again, I’ve been down that road and it does not have a good track record.
After weighing myself (like an idiot, knowing that I ate extra calories yesterday), I was not surprised to see that I gained weight, but I was pretty broken-hearted to see 212.6 again. It’s the number that won’t go away! But I tried to just move on and enjoy my Sunday morning with a light breakfast and some Sunday morning shows on CBS. I did not have much time, though, since I signed up for a 10am Zumba class. I wanted to turn the corner and forget about the scale so when I arrived at the gym, I was already starting to jump out of my skin with enthusiasm. (I LOVE to dance – especially with my amazing dance friends!)
I always feel empowered after exercising, too. One of these days, I will have to go straight home and write in my journal, rather than waiting until the end of the day when I am usually exhausted and certainly not as inspired. Something about the adrenaline rush from exercise makes me want to shout, “Life is amazing! You should try it!” I not only day-dream about hitting my goals but I also have wild thoughts about writing books, going on big vacations, getting promotions, and metaphorically winning the lottery. It’s the same inspiration that lead me to have enough courage to apply for jobs after 20 years at the same company. My self-confidence gets a major boost every time I exercise. I highly recommend it!
But on days like today, I tend to overdo it and get a massive headache from being dehydrated. I thought I would get lucky today, since I drank a ton of water all afternoon, but by 4pm, the headache started, and at 5:30pm, I was forced to take medicine or lay down. Since my brother and sister-in-law were planning to come for supper, I had no choice but to pop a few pills and wait patiently for them to kick in. Thankfully, the headache did not turn into a migraine and the pills started working within 30 minutes. In any case, my bulletproof motivation turned into jello and I was about to blow another meal.
Like I said earlier, my breakfast was light so I began the day in the perfect place. After Zumba and a shower, I ate some fruit with yogurt and granola, which was another healthy choice. I followed it with 20 Whopper pieces for about 200 calories, which was not ideal, but acceptable. (Whoppers and 3 Musketeers are among my favorite kinds of candy, so if they cannot be part of my world, then life is not worth living!) Then I did some writing and laundry before I packed up the car with some hand-me-down clothes that I was planning to give to a good friend whose house and all her belongings were lost in a fire last weekend. (2020 sucks.)
When I returned from that visit, I helped my husband cook supper. We made BBQ ribs, cheesy hashed browns, baked carrots, Caesar salad and brownies for dessert. There were two things going against me. First, my head hurt pretty badly, so I didn’t care about calories. Second, we did not eat until after 7:00pm and I was starving by that point, so my motivation and will power were pretty much shot. I did not eat very many hashed browns, but I could not say the same about the ribs and brownies. I was not uncomfortable, but I knew that my plans to LOSE weight by eating less calories were dashed once again.
My tired brain wants to shout FAILURE in my face, just like it has so many times before. There is no one that will ever be harder on me than I am on myself. I should just try and focus on the first half of the day when I came home from Zumba, full of mojo and positive thoughts. The world was my playground. Then my adrenaline rush came crashing down, along with my will to stay on track. I will have to employ some planning strategies again. If I would have pre-tracked my supper, rather than just diving in, I could have stayed on track and not had the guilty feeling that inevitably follows when I go off course.
Now I will have to be extra careful – tracking every little bite – for a few days and hopefully I will lose what I gained back. This self-sabotage has got to stop. It’s delaying my results and making me feel like crap.
But ENOUGH! Put your big-girl pants back on and get control of yourself again, young lady. No one ever said this would be easy. You took a break this weekend and tomorrow you can get back on the path. We are not shooting for perfection here – only consistency. You have already proven that you can do this. Believe in yourself. Your progress thus far has been amazing! You will have to buckle down to see the next drop in weight but you will not regret it. You already know that the rewards from weight-loss are price-less. Just do some extra planning and then follow-through. The rewards are waiting for you and they are worth every drop of sweat and pass of temptation. Don’t give up. You got this!