Too much empathy.
Sometimes I take empathy a little too far. I made a promise that I would put myself first through this journey and it seems like I am being tested every other day! Ok, so maybe the whole world is not just about me, but I know that if I am going to be successful, I am going to have to be selfish. All bets are off when my children are hurting, though. I stressed about my daughter's broken heart all morning long and then I met her for lunch and learned that it was all for nothing, it seems.
I woke up and ate my favorite 2-egg, 400 calorie breakfast before taking my younger daughter to school and then going to work. I could feel the ache forming in the pit of my stomach and tears were only inches away again but I powered through and tried not to think about it. My youngest daughter forgot her homework so I had to text my 17-year old and ask her to bring it with her to school. (Secretly, I was glad to send the message so I could make sure she was doing ok.) She texted right back and said she would bring it.
Then I missed a text from her around 10:45am, asking if I wanted to meet for lunch. (No one can say that I do not stay focused on my job!) So she called me at 11:45am and said, why don’t you ever answer my texts?!? I was thrilled – literally jumping up and down inside – and met her at a local shake place for a tea and shake. The whole time, I was trying not to talk about the elephant in the room, but she seemed completely capable and even complained that her ex-boyfriend was babying her too much by checking on her constantly. She said she is ready to move on and even a little relieved that he is not as broken as she thought he would be. It probably hurts her pride a little, but she knows that this was the best decision for both of them. Somehow, she became a grown-up. You close your eyes for a second and suddenly your baby is now an adult.
My afternoon was much more relaxing, since I was not worried about my daughter. Instead, my phone kept ringing and my emails kept coming, so not less stressful I’m afraid. The tea and shake were a wonderful treat, though, and took no preparation time away from my morning or lunch times that I cherish with my girls. The $7 price tag was a little hefty but worth it! Plus, the total calories were around 300, leaving plenty of calories available for supper, especially after I exercised.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the reason my weight loss plan is working so well is because I add food calories to my daily budget by working out as much as possible. Today was no exception. I attended a Zumba dance class at 5:30pm and then walked 3 miles with Rhonda after I ate supper. These two activities, recorded by my Apple Watch and then connected to my food diary in My Fitness Pal, added 761 calories to my day, which gave me the freedom to eat a healthy supper, including dessert, and not feel guilty or deprived. In fact, I left 291 calories uneaten and did not feel hungry when I went to bed. I was glad I did, too, because when I pushed the magic button (Complete Diary) it said that I would weigh 199.4 pounds in 5 weeks, “if every day were like today.” One-derland, here I come!
My oldest daughter worked a night shift and then came home before going to bed. She still seemed pretty happy about her decision. She will need to foster some new friendships and re-kindle some old ones, but those are healthy things to do for everyone. The most exciting part is that she will get to know herself again, apart from that relationship. There is no greater love, as I have been experiencing since I began this journey. It’s OK to have empathy for other people, like I did today, as long as I keep the focus on my dreams. The fact remains – no one will ever appreciate me more, treat me better and help me achieve my goals as quickly as me, myself and I.